Drunk Chicks and Space Harrier

When I was young, going to the arcade to try my hand at acing “Space Harrier” was a usual event. When consoles got big and arcade games lost their vogue, what pissed me off the most was losing all my posted high scores to the junk yard. I thought about that the other night after hearing that a sports bar I’ve been frequenting was closing down. Here is the Yelp review I wrote about the place:

‘”Spri, my girl has a bunch of friends with her. Let’s round up
some brothers and meet them at Champps.’ One minute you’re watching “Mean Girls” at 9pm
on a Friday night – next minute you gotta be ready to go soon. Life does that.

Chick at the door gave me a hard time because I didn’t bring a photo I.D. Her manager let me in because I’m obviously over 21. The chick at the door is a clown.

Yuks and chatter in a huge, dimly lit room filled with plasma TV’s, drinkers, eaters and wannabe singers on the karaoke stage.

The bar service is hit or miss. Some bartenders moved slow like a dead sloth sliding down a stick
of glue. Others were much quicker. It’s a crap shoot; place your bets.

Judging by how quickly our companions got wasted, I’d say the drinks are Hulk strong. The wings seemed good because my brother inhaled them like they were about to fly away. I ordered
the Cookie Express on a friend’s recommendation and wasn’t unsatisfied. The cookie was good, the ice cream was better, and the whipped cream didn’t look homemade but still impressed me.

Entertaining intoxicated women gets old quick so I made my way to the touchscreen game at the
bar and proved my awesomeness by dispatching high scores left and right. However, it’s a half-assed device with only a few of today’s more popular bar games installed. But they have a cool 2-in-1 Galaga/Ms. Pac-Man arcade game in the corner for O.G.’s stuck in 1983.

The john is mostly clean, parking sucks, the smoking section has its own exit, and the chick at the door is a clown. If you like karaoke, jackhammer booze and can’t make “fetch” happen, drop on by and try to beat my game high
scores.”

All my goofy-ass Yelp reviews can be found here: fatejacketx.yelp.com

image

If only there were camera phones in 1988.

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