That Time When Rachel Ray Told Me To Kiss Her Ass


I worked in TV in New York City for 20 years. During that time, I met some interesting people. Some of them I’d have left alone, if not for my friend’s website

Okay let’s make this long story a short one. Here’s the deal: most TV people know each other.  And my friend was dating a girl who was friends with FoodTV Host (at the time)  Rachel Ray. They both worked there and one day Rachel asked her if she wanted to come to a party that her boyfriend (now husband) was playing at with his band.  My friend said yes and invited us, me and my wife.

My friend Jerry found out that we were hanging out with Rachel Ray that night and asked me to help him out. See, he has a website called Jerry’s Ass Dot Com, where he posts various pics of celebrities holding a toy donkey. He’s got tons of them, from George Bush to Greg Brady. I was there to help, so when he asked if I would get a pic of RR with the “ass,” I said YES.

When me and my girl got to the party, RR was already BOMBED OFF HER ASS and running wild around the modest little club. She was fun but drunk and her two chaperones were having a hard time trying to get control of her. Yeah, they gave up, and as I proceeded to get drunker myself, I approached Rachel Ray with some bullshit:

Me: “Hey! I watch ‘$40 a day’ all the time and I’ve seen you go over that amount like four times and that’s bullshit!!!”

Her: “You know what?? It’s really hard sticking to those rules and anybody who doesn’t like it can kiss my ASS!”

SO she turned to me and smacked her ample buttocks and there was nothing but mesmerizing jiggle.

Hold on, let me think about that for a sec….


OKAY, that’s when her boyfriend came over, and btw his songs were some of the most depressing things in the world. The CD had songs like “Terrible Things In A Captain’s Hat” and “That Horror Under Your Bed.” Not sure if he was the writer or his whole band was to credit, but these were some bum out songs. “Killer Spikes In An Innocent Jugular” and such. Just paraphrasing, so when he came over glassy-eyed with “Hey man, you guys are cool, thanks for coming out,” I was glad to see him. Still, after making enemies with Rachel, I had no idea how I was gonna ask her to take a photo with the donkey but I did it and she said YES.

And there’s that photo, right up above. Much younger, much drunker and much cooler than her present years. And to be honest, I was drinking so hard that I don’t remember what happened next.

Please go to Jerry’s Ass and see more photos of celebrities holding ass.


The one of Kid Rock is also mine. I asked him, after his being interviewed at one of my TV gigs “Show me the finger that gave Pam Anderson hepatitis.” And he did.


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