You also get a director out of the deal; two-for-one. How appetizing! Like a California Roll lunch special.
The only difference being, once you’re done with the roll, it’s gone. When this particularly coveted writer/director combo is finished, money falls from the sky.
That pair is none other than Quentin Tarantino. And I’ve got four reasons why he’s the biggest asshole in Hollywood.
1. He Makes The Same Movie Over And Over Again And We Just Keep Falling For It.
When “Pulp Fiction” came out, I thought it was brilliant. I couldn’t believe what I was watching. Sure it’s too talky, but so thrilling that I had to check out this new upstart’s other works. And they were all like “Pulp Fiction.” Vaguely different protagonists – all anti-heroes, doing the same immoral bullshit as the last. Chatty chatty chatty, killy killy killy, racist racist racist racist. Now and again you get something different like “Django Unchained,” but it’s all essentially the same crap in dire need of strong editing.
2. He’s Obsessed With Kitsch
His one-trick pony ride is almost obsessive compulsive. “Jackie Brown,” “True Romance,” “Death Proof,” “Reservoir Dogs,” “Inglorious Basterds.” WTF is the deal with the two-word movies? Superstition? Pretension? None of my business? I know what it is: He fell in love with a piece of style somewhere along the way and won’t divorce it.
Fine, whatever. But the most grating aspect of this approach is that the pretensions bleed into the script! His long-winded dialog about nothing going nowhere is so hard to take sometimes that I find myself fast-forwarding through several minutes of utter uselessness. And these are the movies I like! The most glaring culprit of this is “Death Proof.” What a boring fucking film! Jesus H. Christ, nobody talks like that! Are long paragraphs of soliloquy packed with pop culture ramblings really that important to the goddam story?? And though I love his music choices, every damn song sounds the same. Somehow this douche makes “Across 110th Street” sound like “Son Of A Preacher Man.”
3. He’s Not Above Biting Your Ideas
There was a run there when he was getting credit for everything that wasn’t his. How I cringed when I saw Uma Thurman wearing Bruce Lee’s yellow jumpsuit while she took down Yakuza dressed like Bruce Lee Kato clones during a very Matrix style bumrush from “Kill Bill” (two word movie). An homage only goes as far as what your audience remembers, and his young fans don’t get the fifty-plus martial arts movie references he “borrowed” to pad his runtime. Fifty…plus.
And what’s up with tagging his name onto several international films that he had nothing to do with? Because his company distributed them to American audiences, we’ve got to see “Flying Dragons, brought to you by Quentin Tarrantino.” Really? What a dick move that is. I’ve never seen that done before, ever. Martin Scorsese has worked tirelessly to restore old films, but you don’t see his name on “A Double Life” like he made the damn thing himself.
And speaking of an uninformed audience, my final quibble is completely lost on them.
4. He’s Racist
And he doesn’t care who knows it. Sure, he talks about his growing up around black folks and being in touch with the black experience and all manner of like bullshit, but no no no…that jackoff is a racist. His brain is commanded by that one ugly racial slur against blacks that he absolutely has to spew from actors’ mouths like it’s an addiction. It has literally taken over his life. You might think my theory a far-fetched one, but I’m open to debate. YOU tell me why all his movies are littered with that vulgar n-word. Why does “Django Unchained” have the record for using it over 100+ times? Because it’s a slave movie? Are you kidding? Hell yes this fucker couldn’t wait to do a slave movie. And so many young viewers don’t get it – they think I’m being too sensitive. “It doesn’t bother me, what’s the big deal?” Don’t talk about stuff you don’t understand, kid. The terrible experiences black people have gone through because of that word. You have no idea.
And don’t say he’s not racist because his black characters always win. Don’t be naive. If I kicked you in the genitals a hundred times, then gave you an Apple Store gift card, did you really win? Please…
And Hollywood keeps paying him because he makes them money. And let’s face it, “Django” and “Fiction” were amazing movies, so he’s got what it takes. He just needs to lose some creative control. A discerning script editor with even stronger script approval from someone with some HR experience would be nice. And a film editor who could trim away lots of fat is a good idea too. Editing is your friend. Both “Magnolia” and “Boogie Nights” would’ve been awesome works if that director had an editor worth a shit. I don’t even want to talk about Peter Jackson…
I could put up with the two-word fetish if someone would just put a leash on this clown. I’d enjoy a lot more of his movies that way too, especially if I were a black audience member not being alienated.
But until then yeah – 4 reasons why he’s an asshole.