I haven’t blogged much in quite some time because, like an asshole, I stepped on my laptop screen and the dicks at Lenovo can’t manufacture glass that withstands 450 LBS of sexiness to save their lives. I kid. I’m actually cruising in at a svelt 267 thank you very much. As a matter of fact, I wish these bitches would back the fuck off me…
I moved to a new apartment because my bitchy sister couldn’t deal with my liquor drinking, and if history is any clue (see ex-wife), when a woman is tired of my bullshit, I end up getting my own place.
To be honest, she did me a favor. I was complacent. I wasn’t even trying to advance in life. I have a low paying job that I really like and almost everybody there is younger than I am. So, I spend a lot of time teaching kids how to act in a professional environment when you, the parents, should’ve already taken care of that shit. But when I saw them all getting their own places, I felt like a loser because I made more dough than them and still crashed with my sister. Goes to show you, old dudes can still learn from the crumb snatchers.
furniture is for pussies
That’s the news. And it cost me too much to do it. $1500 that I didn’t have forced me to 401K it just to get a sofa and bed. But that’s next week. Tonight I’m air-bedding it thanks to a friend’s generosity. The rest of the place is empty save for the stuff the ex-wife didn’t take and clothes. And by that I mean, all the coffee stuff and some clothes. Oh, and liquor plus several Bojangles biscuits bought today. I live for that shit.
But I’d better be cool. I’m actually very motivated to build up my health now that I’m thankfully on my own again. For one thing, the woman I used to have sex with was too expensive due to the hotel rooms we had to get. Thanks to my sister and her rules about me, a 40 year-old man, screwing in her house. Those days are over. Well, they will be over when I get a real bed. If I’m pounding ass on this oxygen tank and it breaks, I’m sleeping on the floor, and that’s bullshit.
Secondly, I’ll be able to cook healthy food for myself. I know it’s hard to believe but I was once very hot and full of vigor. That died after my divorce and I was a mess. Then I moved in with my sister and had to eat the fatty foods she cooked. I am looking forward to getting all kinds of shit together.
In the meantime, I’m here getting drunk in an empty apartment, downloading IHeartRadio to keep me vaguely amused and the first song on my 80’s radio is Dire Straits’ “Money For Nothing.” Kinda racist. Kinda sexist. Pretty homophobic. But I love the guitar riff.
Personally, I’d pick “Walk of Life” over that. I remember being on a cruise with the ex and a band called Simple Friends sang it and I loved that song ever since. What a wonderful memory. And she’ll never be able to take it from me.